What is modesty?

The word "modesty" is thrown around in Christian circles today so often and with no thought at all to its real and deeper meaning.  It is most often used to describe how a woman dresses.  But there is more to modesty!  Modesty is defined as "behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety and indecency"....ok, if you don't like word studies, stop right here because I'm about to bore you to the point of grabbing a stiletto and hitting yourself in the head with it.  But if you are like me and love, I say love word studies (read that as Foghorn Leghorn), then please read on!

Modesty is behavior.  Behavior is the way in which a person acts or conducts oneself.  And so Modesty in behavior is to conduct yourself in a manner that will avoid impropriety and indecency.  Well...what does that mean?  Impropriety means rude or immoral behavior, unbecomingness.  Indecency is a morally or sexually offensive quality, obscenity, filth, smuttiness.  So if we are to conduct ourselves modestly we probably shouldn't dress up as a smutty pumpkin for halloween.  We also probably shouldn't tell sexual jokes.  Have you ever said, "that's what she said" after someone said something?  I would say that would be immodest behavior.  Besides, the Bible is very clear about the use of the tongue.  Ephesians 4:29 says, "let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.  What about being rude?  Have you ever been rude to someone?  That is acting in an immodest way.  

Modesty is our manner.  Manner is an outward way of behaving towards another person.  If we behave towards others in a way that is morally or sexually offensive or if we behave rudely or immorally than we are being immodest in our behavior.  I think if we stop and think about it we can all say that we ALL have a problem with this issue even more so than our manner of dress.  Do you ever glare at a person?  Do you ever roll your eyes, or cross your arms, or slam a door, or cupboard?  Do you ever cut someone off while driving?  Do you ever give someone "the finger"?    These things and things like it are immodest. 

Modesty is our appearance.  Can your appearance be sexually offensive?  Can it be rude or unbecoming?  Most certainly.  In our day and age (and the reason for all the talk on modesty) it is easy to see how a persons appearance can be sexually offensive.  But have you ever wondered about your appearance being rude or unbecoming?  You probably have not.  But I would say that according to the definition of modesty that our appearance can be both sexually offensive and rude!  What about that person who walks down the street with his pants belted around his knees and his boxers hanging out?  That is rude, unbecoming, and sexually offensive.  Why do we laugh at the jokes about how people dress when they go to Walmart?  You know the pictures I am talking about, and if you don't, go to pinterest and type in "walmart people" and you will see what I mean.  These are people whose appearance is rude and unbecoming, but not sexually offensive.

I would venture to say that most of my readers have never thought of modesty in this way.  I recently read an article on modesty that was suggested to me by someone and I walked away thinking the only thing wrong was the persons behavior and manner.  We can be immodest in our actions as well as our dress.  Let's remember to not become carried away with one aspect of modesty to the neglect of every other aspect.  Don't be as "whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness (Matthew 23:27)".  You can wear the most "modest" apparel and still be immodest in manner and behavior.  Which do you think our God is more concerned with?  Luke 16:15 says, "And He (that being Jesus) said to them (the pharisees), 'You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts..."

A slight rant on Modesty

As I'm preparing my posts on modesty, I am also doing other reading from my enormously long reading list.  I just finished a book review on Alan Conner's book Covenant Children Today, Physical or Spiritual.  It was an excellent read.  Then, I picked up An Orthodox Catechism by Hercules Collins.  If you don't know, it is an edited version of the Heidelberg Catechism, which I find to be a monumental blessing.  And, as the Lord frequently does, there was a gem...just sitting there in the first few pages of the book.  If you had been reading the book you may not have noticed it, and I don't know if I would have if my mind weren't also engaged in thoughts about loving our sisters in Christ, particularly regarding this issue of modesty.  But I will get back to that in a minute.

Why is modesty such a hot topic now?  Well, first of all it is because our culture is over-sexualized.  But secondly, because it is easier to blame our sister in Christ, than to address our husband's lustful and imaginative eye.

But, I don't want to borrow from a future post, and so I will move on.  

I hope we can all agree that the majority of the issues on modesty, the prescriptive ideas on exactly what to wear, is nowhere in the Bible.  We are at liberty here as long as we do not purposefully wear blatantly sexual clothes.  So why all the anger and hostility if it is a liberty?  Why the glances at another woman in judgement...as if we can read her heart!  We can't.  And we can't become her master or we usurp God.  And aren't we supposed to love our sister?  (1 John 4:7-8; John 13:34-35; 1 Peter 4:8 and more)  But where is the love when we judge and put motives that are not really her's onto her.  Who gets to decide if she is "dressing for the eyes of God" or for the eyes of men.  (again, blatant sexual clothing is not what I'm talking about).

Have you ever looked at a woman's shoes and said they were "hooker shoes"?  (Actual comment made to a young woman!)  What does that even mean?  And furthermore, what do "hooker shoes" look like and who gets to decide that?  That is not a helpful statement and in fact is hateful and harmful to our sister in Christ.  I'm so thankful that God looks at our hearts.

But again, I digress...to get back to the book I'm reading...

Hercules Collins says, in his preface, "Now albeit there are some differences between many godly divines and us in church constitution, yet inasmuch as those things are not the essence of Christianity, but that we do agree in the fundamental doctrine thereof, there is sufficient ground to lay aside all bitterness and prejudice, and labor to maintain a spirit of love each to other, knowing we shall never see all alike here."

He was not talking about modesty at all.  He was talking about things pertaining to the way the Bride of Christ is organized and run!  If we are to have this attitude to "lay aside all bitterness and prejudice and labor to maintain a spirit of love each" in regards to the Bride of Christ, how much more should we have this attitude over a matter of liberty such as modesty.

I realize someone is going to say, "but some women ARE immodest".  Yes.  And I will get to that in future posts.  But let us examine and address our own hearts first.  Please remember modesty is not the "essence of Christianity".    

An Introduction to Modesty Part II

*If this is your first post of mine you reading, head on over here to read Part I.


As promised my posts on modesty will be beginning soon, however, I feel I need a few more Introductory posts before I can get there.  In the next few posts I will be dealing with certain passages from scripture that are frequently wrenched out of their context and used as proof-text.  My goal is to nestle these little gems back into the context and then we can go from there.

I want to first of all give credit for this post to all the people I looked to in order to form my views.  The Bible, Calvin's Commentary, Matthew Henry, R C Sproul, and Alistair Begg, and most importantly the Father of the Queen (my daddy).

Romans 14:13 "Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way."

This passage deals with a plethora* of ways that we can cause our brother to stumble  One of them would be for a man or woman to blatantly dress immodestly.  This passage tends to be over-used and abused.  But it does clearly deal with how we are to treat each other in areas of non-essentials to the Christian faith.  I hope that we can all agree that matters of dress are an area that would be a non-essential to the Christian faith.  There is so little in the Bible that deals precisely with how we are to dress (an outward thing) that it cannot be an essential.  So, in the sense that it is a non-essential that people in the church are disputing over, then yes, this passage deals nicely with that issue.

In the context, Paul is speaking about holding to days and eating meat offered to idols (both are non-essentials to the Christian faith).

Romans 14:2-3 "For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables.  Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him"

So there were arguments in the church over eating and observance of days and Paul is saying we need to not despise or judge in these areas.  So we are to accept each other in Christ BECAUSE they were first accepted BY GOD!

That's the first thing.  We are to accept one another in Christ.  Regardless of where you stand on the issue of outward, clothing related modesty we are to accept one another in Christ!  Do you despise your sister who holds to a more strict view of how she dresses?  Do you doubt your sisters salvation because she isn't dressed according to your standards?  If so then let's move on to the following verses::

Romans 14:10-12 "But why do you judge your brother?  Or why do you show contempt for your brother?  For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.  For it is written: 'As I live, says the LORD, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God.' So then each of us shall give account of himself to God."

Paul is telling us that we are wrong to judge and show contempt because ALL of us will stand before God and give an account for ourselves!  Alistair Begg put it this way, "I will not have to answer for the position my brother may have held, but I will have to answer for the position I took on the position that he held."  You will have to answer to God for judging your sister for not holding to the standards that are man-made, that you have elevated to the standards of the Bible.  And your sister will have to answer for the contempt she showed to you for holding to those standards.  Is that a scary thought to you?  It should be.  It should make you simmer down just a bit in your zeal for things that are not central to the Christian faith.  But I will not shy away from the next verse so let's scurry onward.

Romans 14:13 "Therefore let us not judge one another anymore,"

EEK!  Right at the beginning of this oft misused, and almost never quoted in its entirety verse it REPEATS that we are not to judge each other!  I think that means it is a pretty important concept to grasp.

Romans 14:13 "Therefore let us not judge on another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way."

We are to RESOLVE!  Resolve means a firm determination to do something, and here it is a firm determination to NOT put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in anyone's path.  here is where it is useful to remember that Paul is dealing, not with things of the heart, but with outward indifferent things, or as some are often called, liberties.  The way this verse gets used in the case of modesty is that the man who is lusting is the weaker brother and therefore the stronger? sister should dress herself in accordance so that he does not lust.  Do you see how this does not fit with the context?  First of all, lust IS a sin.  It is not a matter of liberty.  Secondly, lust is a heart issue that is not discerned by a person unless you share that knowledge with her (which by the way is inappropriate, and I will go into why in another post).  So the sister, so long as she is not knowingly dressing immodestly CAN NOT purposefully put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in her brother's way as is the case in the passage here.

So then if the scripture is not discussing this subject, but it IS discussing how we are to love one another even though we differ on non-essentials, how are we to live at peace with all men?  Here are some thoughts::

• Galatians 6:4 "But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another."
• 1 Thessalonians 4:10-12 " But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside and that you may lack nothing."  I find it interesting that he includes to mind your own business.
• Galatians 5:13 "For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."
• Colossians 2:16-17 "So let no one judge you in food or in drink, or regarding a festival or a new moon or sabbaths, which are a shadow of things to come, but the substance is Christ...Therefore if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations, do not touch, do not taste, do not handle, which all concern things which perish with the using, according to the commandments and doctrines of men?  These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh."
• In essentials, unity; In non-essentials, diversity; In all things, charity.  This quote seems to be attributed to many, but through my research I have decided to attribute it to Tom Chantry.  

                                Are you remembering what the actual essentials are?  

*word used for the sake of all the Duchesses along with the Father of the Queen.

An Introduction to a Discussion on Modesty

I was recently asked to write about the Purity Movement, and while I will do that I thought, I was being asked to write about Modesty.  I was in a quandary...I had to sit and think about what to do...

So I decided to do both, but I'll start with a series of posts on modesty.  

Today, however,  I will be discussing lust in preparation for my discussion on modesty.  Both modesty (defined as behavior, manner or appearance intended to avoid impropriety and indecency) and lust (intense or unbridled sexual desire) are ultimately heart issues between the individual and God.  

But have you noticed how you will mostly hear certain phrases when the subject of modesty comes up?

• Your shirt is too low
• Your skirt is too high
• Your bathing suit doesn't cover enough 
• You're making men lust
• Don't wear heals with that skirt

The list can go on.  The first thing I notice here is that they are ALL outward signs of modesty except one.  The only one dealing with a non-clothing related issue is that of making men lust...I'm sorry, but I am not responsible for the sins that someone else commits.  Am I to be thoughtful of others?  Yes.  Should I make sure my top covers the important parts and my bottom covers the important parts?  Yes.  But nowhere am I called, as a woman, to hide that I am a woman.  My waist is not an abomination to the Lord.  My legs are not sinfully wicked.  A woman's body is part of God's good creation...you know what's not a part of God's good creation?  Lust.

While it is clear that lust is a sin, it doesn't seem clear at all to some people who the responsible person is for the lust.  Is it the one lusting?  or the one being lusted for.  Let me share some scripture...

• James 1:14-15 "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.  Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."
• Mark 7:20-23  "And He said, 'What comes out of a man, that defiles man.  For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness.  All these evil things come from within and defile a man'."
• 2 Corinthians 5:10 "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad."

It is pretty clear that the person who commits a sin will answer for himself for his own sin.  I will not answer for his sin.  I am not responsible for keeping anyone from thinking evil things.

Also, let us consider for a minute Joseph and Potipher's wife.  Remember in Genesis 39 how Potipher's wife was clearly lusting after Joseph and the lust in her heart turned into outward actions by coming to Joseph in verse 7 when she asked Joseph to lie with her.  The bible puts no blame on Joseph at all for the lust that Potipher's wife had.  While in this instance she CLEARLY is in the wrong here, what does Joseph do?  He explains how much his master trusts him and says, "...How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God."   

The reason I deal with this issue first instead of delving straight into modesty of dress is two fold:

1. I find that most people use a shame based method for trying to enforce their standards of modesty.  They do this by saying that the woman is causing the man to sin.  This is not biblical.  This is not helpful, and in most cases will not get the point across.
2. We each are responsible for our own sins.  We need to stop putting this particular sin on the shoulders of women.  With what other sin do we do this with?

I'm sure there are fired up feeling over what I have written.  Let me reassure my reader that I have more to say on the topic.  Here is a list of the things I plan on discussing in future posts:

• What is modesty?  
• Is modesty only an issue for women?
• What is a persons responsibility in matters of dress?
• Where does 1 Corinthians 8 (where Paul says, "Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.") fit into the modesty discussion?

Note::  This is a very delicate subject because people have such differing opinions on it.  If you have a comment to make please make sure it is lovingly done, if you can't do that please refrain from commenting.